I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
