I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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