I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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