Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
