Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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