drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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