Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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