theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
