you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
