You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
