I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
