how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
