the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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