she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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