Four minutes until I can fart!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
