Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you win again, gameday.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
