Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize