yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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