I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
