Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
