What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
