drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
