i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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