So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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