just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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