I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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