Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
