I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
