It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
