hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
