Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
