Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
