Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize