I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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