you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
