My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
nutella sex= disaster
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
