coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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