She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
