Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
