what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
