does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
3pm strippers are depressing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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