did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ketchup is God's man juice
you didnt know i had herpes?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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