i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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