no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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