I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
