You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
