I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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