You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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