well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
