babies were throwing up all over the place
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
