i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize