By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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