I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sarcasm needs its own font
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm at about main and main street
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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