tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
