who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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