I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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