Got a toothbrush?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
