just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
