Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
