I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
