i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
