I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
