I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
