So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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