how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
