Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
