For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
