i don't like sucking hair
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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