Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
