Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
