Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize