Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
