By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
